Hemingway kirjutas kunagi lühiloo, mis oli täpselt 6 sõna pikk: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”. Ta pidas ise seda üheks oma parimaks teoseks. Huvitaval kombel oleks see eesti keeles veelgi lühem: “Müügiks lastejalatsid, kandmata.”
Wired palus tuntud ulme ja õuduskirjanikel samaga vastata. Kuigi Clark keeldus enda panust, “God said, ‘Cancel Program GENESIS.’ The universe ceased to exist”, lühendamast, olid tulemused sellised (päris mitmed neist on tõelised pärlid!):
(ma kopeerisin nad siia juhuks kui nad peaks originaalist kaduma).
Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket.
– William Shatner
Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
– Eileen Gunn
Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love.
– David Brin
Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
– Joss Whedon
Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
– Stan Lee
Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
– Alan Moore
Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
– Margaret Atwood
His penis snapped off; he’s pregnant!
– Rudy Rucker
From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
– Gregory Maguire
Internet “wakes up?” Ridicu –
no carrier.
– Charles Stross
With bloody hands, I say good-bye.
– Frank Miller
Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
– Steven Meretzky
“Cellar?” “Gate to, uh … hell, actually.”
– Ronald D. Moore
Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
– Vernor Vinge
It cost too much, staying human.
– Bruce Sterling
We kissed. She melted. Mop please!
– James Patrick Kelly
It’s behind you! Hurry before it
– Rockne S. O’Bannon
I’m your future, child. Don’t cry.
– Stephen Baxter
1940: Young Hitler! Such a cantor!
– Michael Moorcock
Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
– Richard Powers
I’m dead. I’ve missed you. Kiss … ?
– Neil Gaiman
The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
– Orson Scott Card
Kirby had never eaten toes before.
– Kevin Smith
Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
– Howard Waldrop
To save humankind he died again.
– Ben Bova
We went solar; sun went nova.
– Ken MacLeod
Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: “You cow!”
– Paul Di Filippo
“I couldn’t believe she’d shoot me.”
– Howard Chaykin
Don’t marry her. Buy a house.
– Stephen R. Donaldson
Broken heart, 45, WLTM disabled man.
– Mark Millar
TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
– Harry Harrison
Tick tock tick tock tick tick.
– Neal Stephenson
Easy. Just touch the match to
– Ursula K. Le Guin
New genes demand expression — third eye.
– Greg Bear
K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18 – Closed Casket
– Richard K. Morgan
WORLD’S END. Sic transit gloria Monday.
– Gregory Benford
Epitaph: He shouldn’t have fed it.
– Brian Herbert
Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties.
– Cory Doctorow
Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
– Robert Jordan
Bush told the truth. Hell froze.
– William Gibson
whorl. Help! I’m caught in a time
– Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel
Nevertheless, he tried a third time.
– James P. Blaylock
God to Earth: “Cry more, noobs!”
– Marc Laidlaw
Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
– Marc Laidlaw
Thought I was right. I wasn’t.
– Graeme Gibson
Lost, then found. Too bad.
– Graeme Gibson
Three to Iraq. One came back.
– Graeme Gibson
Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one?
– David Brin
Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back.
– David Brin
Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
– David Brin
Temporal recursion. I’m dad and mom?
– David Brin
Time Avenger’s mistaken! It wasn’t me…
– David Brin
Democracy postponed. Whence franchise? Ask Diebold…
– David Brin
Cyborg seeks egg donor, object ___.
– David Brin
Deadline postponed. Five words enough…?
– David Brin
Metrosexuals notwithstanding, quiche still lacks something.
– David Brin
Brevity’s virtue? Wired saves adspace. Subscribe!
– David Brin
Death postponed. Metastasized cells got organized.
– David Brin
Microsoft gave us Word. Fiat lux?
– David Brin
Mind of its own. Damn lawnmower.
– David Brin
Singularity postponed. Datum missing. Query Godoogle?
– David Brin
Please, this is everything, I swear.
– Orson Scott Card
I saw, darling, but do lie.
– Orson Scott Card
Osama’s time machine: President Gore concerned.
– Charles Stross
Sum of all fears: AND patented.
– Charles Stross
Ships fire; princess weeps, between stars.
– Charles Stross
Mozilla devastates Redmond, Google’s nuke implicated.
– Charles Stross
Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
– Ken MacLeod
Cryonics: Disney thawed. Mickey gnawed. Omigawd.
– Eileen Gunn
WIRED stimulates the planet: Utopia blossoms!
– Paul Di Filippo
Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation.
– Paul Di Filippo
MUD avatars rebel: virtual Independence Day.
– Paul Di Filippo
We crossed the border; they killed us.
– Howard Waldrop
H-bombs dropped; we all died.
– Howard Waldrop
Your house is mine: soft revolution.
– Howard Waldrop
Warskiing; log; prop in face.
– Howard Waldrop
The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit.
– Howard Waldrop
Salinger story: three koans in fountain.
– Howard Waldrop
Finally, he had no more words.
– Gregory Maguire
There were only six words left.
– Gregory Maguire
In the beginning was the word.
– Gregory Maguire
Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
– Gregory Maguire
Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney’s deathbed advice.
– Gregory Maguire
Corpse parts missing. Doctor buys yacht.
– Margaret Atwood
Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved.
– Margaret Atwood
He read his obituary with confusion.
– Steven Meretzky
Time traveler’s thought: “What’s the password?”
– Steven Meretzky
I win lottery. Sun goes nova.
– Steven Meretzky
Steve ignores editor’s word limit and
– Steven Meretzky
Leia: “Baby’s yours.” Luke: “Bad news…”
– Steven Meretzky
Parallel universe. Bush, destitute, joins army.
– Steven Meretzky
Dorothy: “Fuck it, I’ll stay here.”
– Steven Meretzky
Tänud viite eest Alo Jõekaldale ulmelistist.
Sinu tõlge eesti keelde jätab loo mõtte küll mõneti selja taha. Müüa lapskingad ei saa ka eesti keeles öelda, niiet tõlkimiseks peaks mingi võrreldava analoogia leidma, mis mul küll hetkel pähe ei tule.